How to Handle the Holidays with Alzheimer's

When Katie remembers her first Christmas as a caregiver, she groans. She's been caregiver to her mother since her father died last October. Katie's mother has middle stage Alzheimer's.

"The first year was a disaster," Katie says. "Dad had just died, Mom was more confused than ever, and I was filled with grief."

The oldest of three children, Katie felt it was her duty to carry on the family traditions. "I moved Mom in to live with me and my two teenagers. I figured I'd host Christmas dinner at my house, and have the family gather here." Katie laughs. "I was an idiot. I let my sister bring one pie. My brother's wife insisted I allow her to bring the wine and beer, but other than that, I thought I could do everything. I was wrong."

"While I was in the kitchen, Mom removed every ornament from the tree an hour before our guests were due to arrive."

"My first lesson was to keep Mom occupied. After we decorated the tree, I let her wrap a few gifts and set the table. I figured if she was busy, I could get something else ready for the party."

Katie continues, "While I was in the kitchen, Mom removed every ornament from the tree an hour before our guests were due to arrive. I realized when I heard my antique glass balls hit the floor. There were tears, a few choice words, and in the end, Mom and I both sat on the floor crying our eyes out."

Katie smiles, "This year my sister, brother, aunt and uncle are bringing the food. I'm responsible for the pies. The party is still at my house, because it's most familiar to Mom. But, instead of Christmas eve dinner followed by caroling, Midnight mass and opening presents at 2 am; we'll have an early dinner, and exchange a few gifts. Then Mom and I will wave goodbye as everyone else goes caroling and to late mass."

Katie learned the hard way that extra stimulation and activities can cause frustration for both caregiver and patient.

When Something Unexpected Happens, Explain to Visitors That it's the Alzheimer's

Celebrate by making adjustments that reduce your responsibilities. This will increase the chances for a safe and satisfying holiday season for you, your AD patient and anyone who visits.

Make sure family and friends — especially those who live far away — understand that AD has created a new situation and has to be considered when making holiday plans. Don't ignore the situation or pretend everything is the same as it ever was. Let guests know ahead of time that for safety and sanity, this year's celebrations will be calmer and smaller. Utilize day care or in-home help. Give yourself the gift of time off, so you can enjoy your favorite holiday activities, too.

Give clues to help the patient as well as visitors. Introduce that patient's own children and siblings, if necessary, when they arrive. This cues the patient and the visitor who may not know what to expect.

Don't correct the patient if they mix up a memory. It's the happy, emotional feeling of belonging and sharing that's important, not whether it was cousin Ron or Jim who arrived as a surprise one Christmas eve.

Cherish Moments as They Occur, However Small or Unexpected

If something unexpected happens, explain to visitors that it's part of the Alzheimer's. If the patient becomes upset or confused, move to a quiet area. Reassure and comfort them. Explain and reassure family members too. It's all part of the disease. No one should feel bad about it.

Enjoy whatever coherent and pleasant moments present themselves. Now is the time to create new memories. Cherish moments as they occur, however small or unexpected.

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