Less is More for the Holidays

by Karen Favo Walsh

You know it's coming. Clues surface near Halloween. The holidays and all their hectic tidings of joy appear before we plan the Thanksgiving meal. Here we go again!

Holidays can be stressful for anyone. Add the responsibility of caring for an Alzheimer's patient, and you have potential for a chaotic season of stress overload.

Or, you can adopt our "less is more" approach this season. You can ease your responsiblities, and give you and your AD patient a legitimate chance to enjoy the holidays.

Alzheimer's changes the way we live. Acknowledge those changes and you can release traditions that turn into burdens for a caregiver.

Instead of a "to do" list, write a "don't" list. Choose what's truly important, then eliminate or delegate the rest.

Here's my personal example: Don't try to bake dozens of cookies in a kitchen where you have to keep a constant watchful eye on your AD person the entire time. Explain to family and friends that you're skipping the cookie baking this year because of caregiving duties.

This will do two things:
1. Make life easier for you
2. Let family and friends know your situation.

Don't pretend nothing has changed. Everything changes with Alzheimer's. Give family and friends a chance to understand. I know it's hard. No one likes change, but you have to let people know. You may encounter resistance to your plans. Stay strong. If someone can't live without your sugar cookies, share the recipe. Better yet, pass the baking tradition to the next generation.


BEYOND THE CAREGIVER

Holidays are hard for the person with Alzheimer's, too. Added stimulation in the form of visitors, crowds, music, and the frantic atmosphere found in stores creates extra anxiety.

Minimize stress by recognizing triggers. A mall full of people rushing through shopping will confuse a person with dementia. The loud voices and mall music can trigger a catastrophic reaction. A good indicator is if you feel stressed, your patient will too. Anxiety can result in a major behavioral change, or symptoms of stress that last for days.

AD patients tire easily. Shorten holiday visits. Skip large gatherings that may be hard on your patient. Consider using an Alzheimer's-specific adult day care service. Your loved one can attend for a few hours, or a few days while you lunch with friends, shop, rest, or enjoy a holiday party.


REDUCE AND SIMPLIFY

When you reduce activities and traditions to the few most meaningful, you create quiet quality time with family and friends. Below are a few ideas.

• Reduce and simplify. Less shopping, less decorating, less travel can result in more relaxation, more holiday spirit, more fun, more truly meaningful celebrations.

• Hang a wreath on the door instead of arranging a yard full of moving snowmen and lighted candy canes.

• Postpone, reduce or delegate holiday baking. Make a couple of pies rather than dozens of cookies. Or, buy your goodies at the bakery. They make their cookies with love, too.

• If your AD patient enjoys hanging ornaments on the tree, it's a fun, easy way to share a holiday tradition. The tree doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, the ornaments don't even have to stay on the tree.

• Decorate the house with simple greenery over the mantle or doorways. Try a floral centerpiece. It doesn't take much to spread the holiday spirit.

• Christmas cards. Send cards only if they're easy and you enjoy it. Save time and energy by photocopying one short handwritten note to include in all your cards.

• Don't create extra projects for yourself. Think of this season as a time to conserve your energy and enjoy the true meaning of the season: Peace on Earth.

• Ask yourself, must I do this activity this year?

• Ask for help. You don't have to cook the entire holiday meal. Repeat after me: pot luck dinner.

• Try to exercise, you'll feel better. Walk around your neighborhood and enjoy lights and decorations you didn't have to hang.

Less really is more. Pace yourself and your AD person, and the memories you make will be happy ones.

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This article may be freely reprinted/redistributed in any medium
as long as the entire article and author biography are included.

Karen Favo Walsh is the author of Alheimer's Stories.
A Caregiver's Guide to Mismatched Outfits, Goofy Hair and
Beer for Breakfast. (ISBN 1-59113-418-8.)
Available online: http://www.booklocker.com/books/1428.html
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Handling the Holidays with an Alzheimer's Patient

by Karen Favo Walsh

When Katie remembers her first Christmas as a caregiver, she groans. She's been caregiver to her mother since her father died in October, 2001. Katie's mother has middle stage Alzheimer's.

"The first year was a disaster," Katie says. "Dad had just died, Mom was more confused than ever, and I was filled with grief."

The oldest of three children, Katie felt it was her duty to carry on the family traditions. "I moved Mom in to live with me and my two teenagers. I figured I'd host Christmas dinner at my house, and have the family gather here." Katie laughs. "I was an idiot. I let my sister bring one pie. My brother's wife insisted I allow her to bring the wine and beer, but other than that, I thought I could do everything. I was wrong."

"My first lesson was to keep Mom occupied. After we decorated the tree, I let her wrap a few gifts and set the table. I figured if she was busy, I could get something else ready for the party."

Katie continues, "While I was in the kitchen, Mom removed every ornament from the tree an hour before our guests were due. I realized when I heard my antique glass balls hit the floor. There were tears, a few choice words, and in the end, Mom and I both sat on the floor crying our eyes out."

Katie smiles, "This year my sister, brother, aunt and uncle are bringing the food. I'm responsible for the pies. The party is still at my house, because it's most familiar to Mom. But, instead of Christmas eve dinner followed by caroling, Midnight mass and opening presents at 2 am; we'll have an early dinner, and exchange a few gifts. Then Mom and I will wave goodbye as everyone else goes caroling and to late mass."

Katie learned the hard way that extra stimulation and activities can cause frustration for both caregiver and patient.

Celebrate by making adjustments that reduce your responsibilities. This will increase the chances for a safe and satisfying holiday season for you, your AD patient and anyone who visits.

Make sure family and friends -- especially those who live far away -- understand that AD has created a new situation and has to be considered when making holiday plans. Don't ignore the situation or pretend everything is the same as it ever was. Let guests know ahead of time that for safety and sanity, this year's celebrations will be calmer and smaller. Utilize day care or in-home help. Give yourself the gift of time off, so you can enjoy your favorite holiday activities, too.

Give clues to help the patient as well as visitors. Introduce that patient's own children and siblings, if necessary, when they arrive. This cues the patient and the visitor who may not know what to expect.

Don't correct the patient if they mix up a memory. It's the happy, emotional feeling of belonging and sharing that's important, not whether it was cousin Ron or Jim who arrived as a surprise one Christmas eve.

If something unexpected happens, explain to visitors that it's part of the Alzheimer's. If the patient becomes upset or confused, move to a quiet area. Reassure and comfort them. Explain and reassure family members too. It's all part of the disease. No one should feel bad about it.

Enjoy whatever coherent and pleasant moments present themselves. Now is the time to create new memories. Cherish moments as they occur, however small or unexpected.

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The information provided is for informational purposes only.
It is not intended to replace or substitute for medical, legal
or financial advice.

This article may be freely reprinted/redistributed in any medium
as long as the entire article and author biography are included.

Karen Favo Walsh is the author of ALZHEIMER'S STORIES.
A Caregiver's Guide to Mismatched Outfits, Goofy Hair and
Beer for Breakfast. (ISBN 1-59113-418-8.)
Available online: http://www.booklocker.com/books/1428.html
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